I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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