i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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