I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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