God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
there was a trapeze. enough said
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
