I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
