he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
