yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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