There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
