he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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