Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
