i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
