alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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