life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
