apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
