shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
