if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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