At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
