I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
