Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
