Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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