So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
do herpes really smell.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
