So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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