3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
