Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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