I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Boobs speak an international language.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You did what with his pubic hair?
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