So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
