I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
