great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
