Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
