I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
