why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
