My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
