Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
