I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
