It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
