You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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