This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
