Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
