I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
