My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
