____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Damn victory sex feels great
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
