ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
