Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
