dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
