you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
