I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You may now shotgun with the bride
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
