life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
