I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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