So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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