Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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