Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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