i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
