Nicole vs. Life
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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