turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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