If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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