it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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