My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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