Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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