i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
