Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
