just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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