Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
