I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
