Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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