I feel great
I just peed on a car
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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