if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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