the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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