So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
