I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
