omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
