Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
