i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
