What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
