I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
