the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
