I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
