hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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