You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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