Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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