so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
