The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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