i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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