Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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