My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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