the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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