and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
