Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
