She went from zero to smokin in five shots
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
