I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
