scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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