At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
