I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
