i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
