hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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